I suppose the holiday blues has begun....

November 1st, 2006 at 05:53 pm

Well, I finally heard Christmas music on the radio.

Now, I know the holidays are coming, and on a rational level, it doesn't bother me. Planning and shopping for presents for the kids, for example.

However, there's something about the sights and sounds-- those subtle reminders of the holidays that gets me down. I suppose it reminds me that, unlike the past, I will be alone again.

Last year was extremely tough. Around this time was when I found out my ex-wife had sex with her now-boyfriend. Merry Christmas. Perhaps this is too much information, but I spent my sleepless nights last holiday crying to sleep....

"But not this year", I vowed, "This year, I'm not going to let it get me down!" But how, I wonder? It's already started and I'm still at a loss. I'm... open for suggestions if anyone's got any.

So, how does this relate to money? Well, I guess it doesn't, except that I tend to spend more when I feel depressed. Earlier tonight, I went out to eat because I didn't want to be alone at home again. Naturally, the restaurant teemed with well-dressed couples cozying up to each other, but... at least I enjoyed my meal, and tried to keep the price down.

The holiday season has only barely begun, and I'm already losing to it. I better figure out something fast.

Posted in Uncategorized | 40 Comments »

40 Responses to “I suppose the holiday blues has begun....”

LuxLiving Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 05:57 pm

Gather your cronnies around you and if they aren't available get thee some new ones. Make plans to meet folks for a coffee, to go out driving/strolling to look at the lights, to work in a soup kitchen, to help a mother put together a bicycle, man an angel tree booth, poker night, friends in for supper before shopping, etc.

We're right here for you, but it isn't the same as LIVE folks, I know. Hang tuff! You are making great strides picking yourself up after all that!!
jodi Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 05:58 pm

Sorry to hear you're down...wish there was something we could do to help, although saying "We're here for you" sounds a little cliched...but, hey, we're here for you
Broken Arrow Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 06:04 pm

Wow, lightning fast responses! Thanks for the support.
yummy64 Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 06:29 pm

Does this mean we'll each get a present? *hopeful look* LOL

Why not do some volunteering in the evenings or something like that. Keep you out of the malls *grimaces at the thought of malls this time of year*

And anytime you need a sympathetic word just blog and you'll know you aren't alone
tinapbeana Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 07:08 pm

ba, this sucks for you. i can't say i've been there exactly, but let's just say after last nov 8th i don't have quite the holiday spirit i used to, either....

best advice i can give you is to keep yourself busy. thing is, you're a smart guy, so you need to keep yourself busy with something you find meaningful otherwise you'll feel like you're just trying to pull the wool over your own eyes.

i definitely recommend volunteering, anything and everything you can find that you believe in and would enjoy. maybe get some of your friends on the bandwagon (hey, it might even turn into a frugal adventure!)

in all seriousness, i hate that you have to feel this way around what should be a joyous time of year. you have my empathies...
LuckyRobin Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 08:15 pm

Have you considered taking an adult enrichment class at the local community college or parks and rec? Ours offers all kinds of wonderful things you can do, I particularly like the ethnic cooking classes, which as a single guy might be fun for you to learn. But we also have classes on metal working (as in blacksmith), learning sign language, foreign language, travel (my favorite was English Footpaths), Scottish line dancing or country line dancing (don't need a partner for either), jewelry making, knitting, sewing (okay, getting girly), Tai Chi, self-defense, pottery, painting, and drawing.

Are you any good at sports? Basketball season is coming up and many elementary schools need coaches. Things that get you out there and interacting with people and keeping you busy so you don't have time to dwell on it. The thing about coaching is you'd get the opportunity to interact with women, but in a safe environment, they would be moms and not women on the prowl when you probably aren't ready to date yet. I think it would be good for you to start interacting with women again in a non-dating capacity, just so you can get to the point of having faith in us as a species again, ya know? And then when you are ready to get yourself out there again you won't have forgotten how to talk to us in real life. And blogging doesn't count as talking to women "in real life" even though most of us here are.
jen-taylor Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 09:12 pm

Hey there, it's good that you let it out. Don't let it hold you down. This is the season to go shopping (woohoo!) and make contacts with potential friends. We're all here to encourage you. Remember, it's harder for a woman to meet a decent man, not the other way around!
baselle Says:
November 1st, 2006 at 10:45 pm

To tell you the truth, I try to practice avoidance of the holiday season until maybe Dec 23. No TV, no shopping, no mall, practice party pacing. It means that I've been sometimes late with the gift. I always joke with my friends - I mean, when do you really need a gift? - not during Christmas, when you get them all. You need one the second week of January.

I also make a game of breaking my routine during this time. Everyday during this season you should try something or do something or visit a place that you've never done before. I started gym class on Nov 18 last year, if that tells you something.
Broken Arrow Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 05:17 am

I thank you all very much. In times like this, even little words of encouragement means very much to me. (You have to remember that I'm a guy, and you know, emotional communication isn't always our strong suit.)

Volunteering sounds like a great idea, but what do you think about me picking up a seasonal second job? Since I'm so concerned about my finances, I can keep myself busy that way and still bring home a few extra dollars right? At least that's what I was pondering late last night.

LuckyRobin: So, this doesn't count? Darn! Seriously, I have great faith in women in general. I just don't have much faith in my ex specifically. That's all. And I do apologize if it ever seems like I've projected this individual experience of mine towards others. I know that we men are generally the sleaze-bags, not the other way around.
Cindy M Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 05:25 am

I'm with baselle, and it works great for me. I'm divorced with no kids and no plans to change that. I've kind of adopted a stay-busy attitude the entire year anymore and have a little routine-something going every day of the week, even the days off. I now treat holidays like any other day of the week, more or less; you do a little mental planning ahead for the bored/lonely times and then it's not such a big deal. Helps to join a church, I recommend that highly to everyone, you need that support and stability. I actually volunteer to work most holidays these past few years (helps tremendously that I work full-time 3-11 p.m. from my home, most times it doesn't even seem like work to me; I don't get that tired and have the entire day to get involved in whatever - yard work, volunteer stuff, etc., I love it). I no longer really give a hoot about shopping. We don't do much in the way of gift giving anymore in the family (save for my 2 grandnephews, and I buy for them way in advance). My family is small, and on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, I bring the requisite covered dish and spend a few hours with the family (talk about depressing, except for being around the nephews), and I have to say, I'm always glad to head back home. When I start working, it become just like any other night. I truly am more contented than I have ever been in my life at this stage (I'm 51 and actually looking forward to the future).
Cindy M Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 05:30 am

PS - Absolutely, do the seasonal second job, it's a good idea to try out. If you mean helping out at some mega-department store, you'd be plenty worn out and glad to go home and away from all that madness, ha-ha. Holidays, in my opinion, are mostly a bummer.
tinapbeana Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 05:57 am

my only concern w/ the idea of getting a seasonal job is that you will be completely surrounded by the holidays, families, shoppers, yadda yadda yadda... it would be enough to drive even a holiday lover slighly bat !@#$!

unless you can find a non-holiday seasonal job.
LuxLiving Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 06:26 am

Broken Arrow, GREAT IDEA!! Get thee hence to a local electronics store and apply!!! Just don't spend all of your money on employee discounted items. Pick one! But, you'd be great at that type of job, it's something you already know about, have a true interest in and could be of big help to clueless shoppers!

You're a natural!! Do IT!!!
Broken Arrow Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 06:48 am

Ok, seasonal is a bad word, but I'll give this second job thing a shot. My biggest obstacle is my current work schedule. It's already fairly demanding time-wise, especially since I will take the much more lucrative over-time any time it's available. The trouble with it is it's a bit unpredictable. That's why I was thinking seasonal work at first, because they tend to be a bit more flexible in terms of scheduling....
tinapbeana Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 06:54 am

BA, you could be a mall santa!!! *g* have you seen the movie 'Bad Santa'? don't be that guy!
monkeymama Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 06:54 am

Oooh, a 2nd job is a super great idea.

I just wanted to say check out meetup.com. They have a lot of great groups - great way to meet people.

Hang in there...
Broken Arrow Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 07:37 am

Haha. Yeah, Tina, I've seen that movie.

Before the movie reference, I was thinking, "Mall Santa? No, bad idea."

After the movie reference, I'm thinking, "Mall Santa? Yes, great idea!"

Thanks for the tip, monkeymama. I'll go check them out now. I mean, it wouldn't hurt to look right?
campfrugal Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 08:16 am

I am all for the volunteering and Random Acts of Kindness. What you get back out of volunteering can never be replaced by a paying job. To take from yourself and give to others in a time of need is the highest on my Christmas List. Also, you will find that you will feel better about yourself. There are always people worse off than we are, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. Go volunteer at a Children's Hospital or Nursing Home in your area, it will change your life. Keep your chin up.
fairy74 Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 08:43 am

surround yourself with whatever friends and family make you feel good about yourself, excercise, take a day off here and there to explore new things in your community. The second job and volunteering are great ideas. Best wishes to you.
budgetmom Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 08:53 am

I like both main ideas. 2nd job will help get you out of debt and you will be too tired to want to dwell on bad things. I have a food pantry in my area that asks for volunteers all the time. The volunteer helps unload the truck full of goods and boxes them up for people and helps them to their cars. They also get a discount on the items that the food panty sells (based on every hour of volunteer time) and get to take home items that did not sell (like anything that will spoil if not eaten) at the end of the day for no cost. So, you get the satisfaction of helping others and the opportunity to be frugal. See if they have something like this in your area.
Thrifty Ray Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 09:22 am

Helping others is always a great way to take our minds off of our worries and concerns. Many elderly would LOVE to have someone who can help them out with things they just cant do anymore.

Is there a hobby youve always wanted to try but just havent yet?

Do you make new years resolutions?? If so, perhaps you could spend some time focusing on what you'd like to accomoplish next year and get your plan of attack lined out...Condiser some stretch goals that you could research... I always get pumped when I think about my goals for the upcoming year.

{{HUGS}} to you BA...we're all here to help if you need support!
monkeymama Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 09:43 am

Off-Topic - but reply to your CPA comment:

In California CPA is the way to go. Get an accounting degree and a CPA license. MBAs are nonsense, they don't get paid more and they learn less practically (probably why they don't get paid more - hehe). BUT I think this is pretty rare to California, in many states a MBA has to go along with a CPA license, to be taken seriously, so look into it.

That is the other thing, my college degree hardly cost me a thing. Accountants historically have not been paid like attorneys and doctors, even though from the outside they have that perception. But the way the industry is going, it is turning out to be a highly profitable career overall and very low cost to get in. You don't have to go to grad school. community college and state was fine.

I would recommend going in the old way and getting your CPA firm experience. I did it just for the license and fell in love with the work and so I stay though I know I can go get some super high-stress CFO job and make a ton if I really wanted to. At the CPA firm I am at now I am just an extremely glorified bookkeeper who gets to work on many clients and get paid twice as much as a bookkeeper. I like the low stress. BUT the older generation does not take the new CPA designation seriously. I have a coworker who just met the requirements but does not really know anything about accounting. Since he is the first on the "new path" my boss's wife called him "CPA Light." LOL. BEcause he has not had to complete all the steps that us old timers did - hehe. He was really insulted, but you can't take seriously that he has a CPA designation next to his name. HE lacks much knowledge in the field. If you do it, do it right, and you will be rewarded.

& if you don't like it you will fail. I hope you like accounting - people who come in just for the money - MANY - don't make it. But if you think you would enjoy it on some level - which you won't even know perhaps until you try - Go for it!!!! AUditing, where the biggest shortage is in - at big CPA firms - is extremely interesting - lots of travel and you learn so much in such a short time. You are constantly seeing the entire operation of an entire company so that is why you learn so much and it is so interesting. Generally spend most of your time out at different clients. But if the sitting at a desk crunching numbers appeals to you there is plenty of that too out there - that is more my cup of tea - hehe.
koppur Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 10:35 am

Hey sunshine. *big hugs* I know how you feel. I feel down every holiday season b/c I'm alone as weel. One thing I've found helps (not a whole lot, but a bit) is just going out with friends...hit a bar for a drink, grab a meal, maybe go to the movies. Of course, on a budget, I like the going a getting a cup of coffee, cooking dinner and having a friend over, and renting a movie to watch with a friend option better.

Just remember that although you may feel alone, you're not. You have freinds and family who love you, and all of us here, too! Sending you feel good vibes and a big hug.
monkeymama Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 12:21 pm

Someone who loves problem solving is key. Most successful accountants I know are very honest/moral (which I get the point from your blog that you probably are). Inquisitive, analytical, critical thinker,logical, patient, detailed.

Whenever I meet anyone extremely organized it seems 9 time out of 10 they are a teacher or an accountant - I think the personalities for these fields is very similar. Except I don't really like kids - I like numbers instead - LOL.

Having good interpersonal skills and being outgoing are often cited as big things to being an accountant. I skid by without the most outgoing of personalities, but I Can get along with anyone which is important I guess.

Working independently is also very important. As much team work is invovled with accounting, overall you are on your own most of the time. I love that part. But at the same time you have to work well with other people since you need them for information - or maybe working on bigger projects with other people. But if you don't need a lot of supervision and enjoy working by yourself, that is great too.

If you like crunching numbers it is a good start. I just know too many people who come to the field with dollar signs in their eyes and hate the work. In many fields you can squeak by doing something you hate, but in accounting usually you suck at it and you don't get too far. SO I had to throw that out, but sounds like you may have what it takes.
Ima saver Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 12:47 pm

I know how you feel broken arrow. I don't have any family, but at least I do have my dh. I live in a very small town and we don't have things like soup kitchens to volunteer at. I think the job idea is great!
Thrifty Ray Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 02:24 pm

ok....so how about we plan a Christmas Party here in the site!! We could set up a thread and everyone grab their favorite drink and 'talk' about whatever....I think our threads would allow a conversation type party wouldnt they???

Nate? ideas??

We'd have to pick a date and time that works for as many timezones/schedules as possible...
Gruntina Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 02:33 pm

I been in your path and things are changing for the first time this year so I am actually awkward at celebrating Christmas with my bf as I been alone for the last few years and live so far away from my family.

I learned having a structured day to day living helped so much. I plan the time in my evenings as I would do at work like time for dinner, cut off time from working around the house, time for night shower, reading and tea and sometimes exercise. If you follow the schedule, it makes it seems you are busy and get a lot accomplished rather than doing things based off of how you are feeling that day. I know this may be hard at first or feel weird like being a kid. Children need boundaries to functions and in the same sense adults� needs structures.

You can make your own Christmas traditions this year to spark new interest and ideas. It can be healing for the soul.
somers Says:
November 3rd, 2006 at 05:33 am

Christmas, christmas.. its much more fun when you are young
nanamom Says:
November 3rd, 2006 at 12:19 pm

I remember Christmas alone. It was awful. I can relate to the wet pillow syndrome. I got over it by working every shift or job I could find. Did great things to my finances and wore me out. I hardly ever saw my pillow, the dog started to need introduced though. A second job or volunteer position may help, but make sure you aren't masking the pain with activity. You need to heal also. Consider joining a church, shop around for one that has outreaches you would enjoy (perhaps a divorce care group?) Just for the record, (even though it doesn't seem like it right now,) there is a light at the end of that tunnel. Time is a great healer (OK the scar is still there)
flash Says:
November 3rd, 2006 at 02:06 pm

Yikes. Anniversary's of hard times are just as important, mentally, as anniversary's of good times. Maybe more so. The first thing is to recognize that, just like a birthday or Christmas, an annivesary of an OMG is THERE, avoidance doesn't make it go away. It's officially a DAY that is remembered!

I don't have the SAME experience with holidays, but I've had a few eventful ones! Maybe if I write my story in my blog, it'll give you a laugh to refer to, or at least to comiserate with...
DivaJen Says:
November 4th, 2006 at 11:10 am

No great advice, just wanted to send along my thoughts. You seem like a good guy.
LuxLiving Says:
November 4th, 2006 at 05:33 pm

Just a little side trip to cheer you up. Enjoy!

http://www.snopes.com/love/revenge/weddress.asp
Broken Arrow Says:
November 4th, 2006 at 07:15 pm

Ah, good ole snopes. I wish I thought of eBaying our assets instead of through regular channels.

Thanks for all the support! It's... really crazy, the amount of traffic this has gotten.... However, it certainly has helped me feel better, and again, I thank you all for it.
PRICEPLUS Says:
November 4th, 2006 at 10:39 pm

Sounds really bad on that end. Holidays can really suck especially when you are alone and feeling shitty over what has happened to you! What your ex-wife did is extremely shitty! (Pardon my language!)

Volunteer brother and help others. It gives you a good feeling and it takes your mind off what is troubling you. You can find healing easing the pain of others. Work in a food pantry, soup kitchen, read to kids, help out at an old age home, or volunteer at a hospital.

There are so many people during the holidays who are down like you. By helping them you can help yourself. How do I know? Been there, done that, got the tee shirt!
Easy for me to say cheer up but far harder for you to do it! Hang in there though! It does get better and time does make the pain more bearable.
You also have a load of people here who are pulling for you.

You are in my prayers and thoughts and I hope things work out well for you in the end! Good luck brother!
paigu Says:
November 5th, 2006 at 11:55 am

For every sad thought I get, I always try to balance it out with somethign positive....sometimes, even just going outside during lunch (in the sunshine!) for a run or walk helps tremendously. Best wishes and cheer =)
kealina Says:
November 13th, 2006 at 10:36 am

just wanted to say that i, along with everybody else here, is thinking of you and rooting for you.... a second job or volunteering both sound good... or maybe start writing something...submit articles to a local newspaper?... you write so well all i can do is sit in jealous amazement...
Broken Arrow Says:
November 14th, 2006 at 06:23 am

Hehe, thanks for the compliment, kealina.

However, I'm not literarily-inclined. At least, I've never fancied myself as a writer of any sort. I'm just content with tapping the keys to whatever that comes to mind. Fortunately, that appears to be "good enough" for a personal blogs.

In fact, seeing as how English was never my strong suit, I'm often quite shocked that people would actually read my blog sometimes... and not complain about my grammar and stuff.

So, please don't be so hard on yourself. If I can do it, you can do it well.
kealina Says:
November 14th, 2006 at 04:31 pm

i'm not hard on my self or at least i don't think so... i have lots of skills... i just don't happen to always write easily, at least not lately. i think all those papers for school kinda did it...
i'm not surprised people read your blogs. and i wouldn't worry about the grammer and such... that's the easy stuff to fix.. that's why there are proofreaders in the world. in fact, that's one of those things i'm good at. when i was in high school and even college sometimes people would pass me their papers to take a look at and they would get it returned covered with my chicken scratch markings, comments and corrections...
anyways, maybe i'll get into the blogging thing eventually but for now i'm busy with other projects.. i do all that crafty stuff like XS, scrapbooking, etc...
emo Says:
November 23rd, 2006 at 06:47 am

Hi, I've been there a few times too, and if it's bad, it could take 2 years to recover.

Obviously the people here seem to really appreciate you, which is great.
However, their suggestions about a part-time job/help community/christmas party are just details.

Let me suggest the ultimate christmas present - Anthony Robbin's Personal Power 2 course. I'm really serious. Really. What's the point in volunteering while your heart is broken. You'll be subconsciously looking for 'her' in every street, everywhere.

I'm not selling anything and have no connection with Tony Robbins, but I found my (beyond-excellent) wife, my health, discovered forex! yay! ,- I'm back in Uni !! Yay! and my happiness through the techniques presented on his tapes. He didn't invent them, just collected them from others, and shows a way of changing your habits to make the good stuff stick. - It works.

Hey, I hope this is the best advice anyone ever gave you. Sadly, though, we naturally believe that 100% of these 'positive thinking' things are a bunch of crap.

This isn't. I mean, How are you gonna enjoy christmas/volunteering/dating/living/dealing with ex-wifey unless you know WHY and what you are doing. That course teaches you WHY, and will ultimately take away your pain, and give you tons of happiness.

I got mine in MP3 format from a buddy, and put them on my player, listened on and off for 2 years now - and bought the course.

Listen... if anyone ever gave you a hand: this is it.

Screw the hype. Judge by results. If you had a toothache, you'd go to the dentist and get it fixed. This is a similar thing, and very ethical, happy and healthy for you.

Go for it! Do great! Have a fantastic Christmas!
Broken Arrow Says:
November 24th, 2006 at 04:40 pm

Interesting thoughts there, emo! In a nutshell, can you tell me what Tony Robbins would say the "WHY" is?

I mean, sadness is normal, isn't it? It doesn't have to impede my progress in life and... I don't think it does anyway. For example, instead of wasting my life away drinking booze, I'm trying to fix my personal finances. So, isn't it OK then to grieve so long as you are not paralyzed by it? Or am I misunderstanding your message?

I don't disagree with you, by the way. I'm just trying to understand what you're saying here.

Broken Arrow

Simple minded simple living

I suppose the holiday blues has begun....

40 Responses to “I suppose the holiday blues has begun....”

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