My sister is in town, and long story short, she asked me what I've been up to. Well, I told her that I am on a personal finance crusade.
"So, what are your life goals again?" she inquired.
"To be financally healthy." I answered.
"I understand, but everybody should do that. That's not really a um... life goal. I mean, do you have something you've always wanted to be? Like a doctor, a lawyer, astronaut, or a fire fighter?"
"Well, I'd like to increase my overall income. However, no, I can't say that I have a specific career path in mind...."
Well, that opened a whole can of worms right there. Apparently, she can't get over the fact that I basically don't have something-- anything!-- in mind. "But there's gotta be something that you've always wanted to do right?"
My basic response was, "There are plenty of things I would like to do, but none so much so that I am willing to incur debts over. Again, my primary goal is financial wellness."
Here's the thing. I've had similar conversations with my guy friends about this before, and they've all had the same quizzical expression on their face. Now, when my guy friends looks at me funny, I would just write it off as them being guys. However, when my musician hippie sister who once wanted to be like a monk and "walk the Earth" looks at me funny, that's when I start questioning myself.
So, now, I am turning to you, my fellow peers at SavingAdvice, for your honest opinions. Do I actually make any sense at all? Seriously, you don't have to patronize me here. I want to know your honest thoughts. What do you think?
Do I make any sense at all?
November 9th, 2006 at 07:06 pm
November 9th, 2006 at 07:10 pm
Anyways~ Whats wrong with living simply? I'm with you!
November 9th, 2006 at 07:20 pm
It might just be easier to say that right now you are "retrenching and getting on a more solid financial and emotional footing before you decide on any long term goals. You don't want to do something you'll regret so you are taking this time for yourself" Nil semantic value really but sometimes it isn't what you say it is how you said it. Try it and see if people buy into it more than what you have been saying - if they don't leave you alone for a while after you say that, my touch with flowery wording that says nothing and appeases many is gone.
And yes, I've been writing proposals for new business at work again. I can put a spin on pretty much anything when I"m working on one of those babies.
November 9th, 2006 at 07:25 pm
anywho, if you're concerned about your hippie almost monk sister, have her google 'voluntary simplicity', and specifically to check out http://www.simpleliving.net/main/ what it boils down to: living simply is the goal in and of itself. it's not being frugal so you can travel the world when you retire, and not depriving yourself now so you can open a business of your own in 10 years. it's simply striving for a peaceful, content, non-consumptive (?) lifestyle. one of the perks is that it's pretty good for the environment 9 times out of 10, so maybe that'll trip her trigger.
long story short: yes, you do make sense to those folks who care to see your point of view.
November 9th, 2006 at 07:28 pm
sometimes it isn't what you say it is how you said it.
This is a beautiful line, right there. And yes, from now on, I'd like you to be my press secretary.
November 9th, 2006 at 07:29 pm
November 9th, 2006 at 07:37 pm
My sister and I get along great. She's a smart girl and I value her opinion. That's why, when she questions me, it makes me wonder because she might be seeing something that I am not. We don't have a thing between us where one of us need to make the other see things our way or anything.
Besides, trying to debate against an artsy hippie is like trying to hit air. You can insist on just about anything, and ultimately, they'll say, "Whatever man. It's, like, your life, ya know?"
November 9th, 2006 at 07:44 pm
But you are worried about it, or you'd not be blogging about it. I think there is a point where if all that concerns you is money and saving money that maybe you are bit too far down the frugal bandwagon. My gut is that you aren't there but if you are worried about it maybe it is time to start another hobby or interest as a secondary one even if it does slow down some of your savings etc.
November 9th, 2006 at 07:47 pm
there is nothing wrong with being focused and driven, only narrow-minded and short sighted.
November 9th, 2006 at 07:49 pm
Having said that, we all have goals. Some are short term, some intermediate, and others are long term. Right now you're clearing away the wreckage of the past, fiscal and emotional, trying to build a new life in the wake of major upheavals. That's quite enough to have on your plate at this time. From what I read, it sounds like you are doing very well. Be where you are and do what's in front of you.
The future will bring changes in your circumstances, attitudes, and perspecctives, but those will come with time. Don't try to force change. When it comes, you will know it. For the present, be good to yourself, take care of your immediate and pressing needs, and pay no attention to those who neither understand nor appreciate that life is a process to be experienced and not a problem to be solved.
Peace.
November 9th, 2006 at 07:49 pm
Right?
No, yummy. For better or worse, I'd rather be improving my month cash flow than pick up another vice er I mean hobby. It is honestly what I want to do more than anything else... for the time being.
However, I am trying to learn the guitar on my own... which leads to another thing my sister and friends can't seem to comprehend: That I'm actually content with my life! They've all said, "Hey, that's great. More power to you... but I still don't get it."
Eh... maybe I should go after that MBA or CPA after all?
November 9th, 2006 at 07:58 pm
I fully agree Tina, and that is why I am bringing up this subject to begin with... so that I can hopefully avoid any narrow-minded short-sightedness that I may currently be experiencing.
Bookie:
Ah, ever the eloquent and insightful wordsmith.
And yes, perhaps in time, I will eventually gain clarity as to what I wish to do beyond personal finances. For now though, it would appear that this is something that still eludes me....
November 9th, 2006 at 08:15 pm
Nothing wrong with making some money while you're waiting for inspiration.
November 9th, 2006 at 08:18 pm
"This, too, will pass."
November 9th, 2006 at 09:18 pm
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
-Shakespeare-Hamlet
Follow your heart where it leads you in truth and sincerity. It never is about the destination my brother it is about the journey! Enjoy!
November 9th, 2006 at 10:00 pm
November 9th, 2006 at 10:49 pm
November 9th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
November 10th, 2006 at 05:13 am
"Well, now that you mention it - I have been presented with a business op that I'm doing some feasibility studies on as we speak - can't go into it right now - top secret ya know!" This will buy you some time.
Perhaps all your friends and family are concerned about is your mental well-being at this upheaval time...maybe they are just checking in to see that you are regaining emotional ground? that you aren't going to go the morose and deep-depression route on them!
I've suffered with much of this my entire adult life - I have no burning desire to BE anything career wise - I am ME already! Surely I'm making some positive contributions to life and my circle of influence just as I am?
Ex: Took a load of extra hangers and huge bags of individually wrapped pretzels to the women's shelter yesterday and drove kiddos to their various employments, cooked 3 squares, laundered and cleaned for everyone (even entering the dreaded closet), walked the dogs, exchanged ideas here, touched base and checked in on my parents, started the family toward some schedule for Thanksgiving, restocked my junque' booth, got FrugalSon a haircut, worked on updating four of our individual budgets yesterday inputting data, worked on balancing our joint checking, and trying to adjust my routines to the new scheduling, etc.
I dunno it seems a full life to me. You are currently letting the boat float free - at some point either the current will take you somewhere exciting or you'll decide on a point and head toward it! You are among friends in the meantime pursuing something that has great value to you. Perhaps you'll get so good at finances that a new career will spring from that. I feel in a similar boat and was just daydreaming this morning of giving myself a one year deadline after the boys are driving themselves to work. If I don't find something to do at home of my own bliss and passion to drive me towards a bigger income then perhaps it'll be time to go back to work.
An opportunity has come up that I could apply for and easily get in our church office, but I think of it as going down for the final count towards a dungeon! EEEKKKKK!!! It would be a good paying job, w/a 403-b, etc., but if taken I can see that's where I'd probably stay until retirement and gooooossssssh, I just can't see it for myself! Too staid and boring! 8-5 just fills me with utter panic at being locked down. Been there, done that, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTED IT!!
Take your time and THEN do what appeals!!
November 10th, 2006 at 05:28 am
If you were buying a guitar, taking 2 hours of guitar lessons every week, practising an hour or two a day at home, and joining an online group for new guitar players, do you think folks would look at you weird? I'm guessing not: it's 'recognized' as a socially acceptable hobby. You'd still be putting the same amount of time and effort into it, and probably a lot more money. Regardless, the chance of you ever 'doing' something with a hobby like playing the guitar is very very slim. It would be a hobby: something you do because you want to and because you enjoy it.
Right now, you're finances are your hobby. Most folks don't get that as a concept because they think of money in the sense of the tangible things it can buy them (like a guitar and lessons). I get the feeling you're focusing time and energy on your financial hobby because of the emotional things it buys you: security, comfort, a feeling of control. The Psych major in me is going to point out that in a time of major change such as the one you have undergone, it's normal to want to feel security, comfort, and in control, but that is beside the point.
Basically, I think you're the unfortunate recipient of other peoples misconeptions about money and frugality. You could even test it yourself: when talking to friends and family substitute the word 'guitar' every time you want to say 'finances' or 'budget', and say 'practice' every time you want to say 'frugal'. I.E. "I'm getting a bit behind with this whole budget thing so I decided to have a frugal day" becomes "I'm getting a bit behind with this whole guitar thing so I decided to have a practice day." I would be willing to bet (not money!) that folks no longer think you have no direction.
It's their issues and misconceptions, man, not you being narrow-minded and short-sighted.
November 10th, 2006 at 05:34 am
Try reading the first chapter (or maybe two--I forget exactly) of David Bach's "Smart Women Finish Rich". He talks about determining your "values ladder", and figuring out goals that financial planning will help you achieve. It was a very useful exercise for me, and really changed my perspective.
(I'd write a little more, but I have to leave for work in exactly 2 minutes, so I hope you'll forgive the brevity.)
~mimi
November 10th, 2006 at 05:39 am
November 10th, 2006 at 07:03 am
My niece got the equivalent of a D when asked to write a "Life Plan" because she said she wanted to find a career that was fulfilling, work hard and save money so she has enough money to support herself and not go trhough hardships when she's old....if you consider her life experience (she lived with my parents her whole life, she lived their "life of plenty" and saw the sad, sad end for those with no savings!...she is just terrified of that!)...I imagine if she had written she wanted to become a scientist and find a cure for AIDS, she'd have gotten an A....
November 10th, 2006 at 08:37 am
It IS your life so...Whatever makes you happy!!!!
I have people look at me with a dazed look all the time at the things I do.
You need to do what you think is right and what makes you feel good.
If you are traveling to the beat of a different drummer so what?
You can always smile to yourself cause you are finacially sound and happy and they are out there "Playing the game"....maybe even secertly wishing they too could be "Saving that money"!
Hang in there. You are doing good.
November 10th, 2006 at 09:45 am
That is the thing though, I know I have this big career, but my career is not the goal. It reminds me when I graduated college I went to work for a pretty large firm, and I knew in the long run BIG BUSINESS was not for me. But my supervisor at the time was APPALLED that I did not go work for the biggest and best firm, from which I actually had an offer. I knew it was just not for me and I would be miserable. I thought back to when I graduated high school and went through the same thing because I was smart enough and had the offers, but I Saw no point to go Ivy LEague. My little state education has done me very well and frankly a lot of my friends paid a lot more from some subpar educations. To top it off they are going back to get degrees they can actually use, still living with mommy and daddy. So I am glad when my supervisor got on my case, that I stood my ground, thinking on my past experience.
Interestingly I Was in a class with said supervisor recently and the instructor asked who worked more than 40 hours a week? Everyone but me and her raised our hands. (I work right at 40 which is pretty unheard of). He asked who worked less and only she rose her hand. She really has a grasp on work/life balance. But regardless of my path I was the only other one in the room who was finding work/life balance. & I will be raising my hand along side when I am her age. Frankly I found it ironic looking at her, after not having seen her in years, and thinking we are both probably going to end up the same place in our lives, but I Took an entirely different path, one she thought I Could not succeed from.
BEsides all this, frankly I have been a little bored lately - almost a quarter-life crisis. We bought a house, had kids, zoomed up the career ladder. Since I don't want my career to be the entire goal of my life, I have been feeling like "now what?" Coming to this board and revising my goals has really inspired me. IT feels good to have a GOAL regardless what it is. & once I reach my financial goals I have more freedom to do other things. I have not been this energized since going through college, buying a home, getting my CPA License, starting a family. To me this is just as worhty and exciting.
I have been told my whole life I Am akaing the wrong goals, but I would just like to settle into as easy a lifestyle as I can with as much financial security as I Can. I Think that is a worthy goal and that so far I have succeeded quite well.
Frankly when I chose my career I looked at what I Was good at and what I enjoyed, and then I figured out how to make the most money from it. I think that is a worthy goal. My dad did the same thing, he would have been happy to be a t.v. repairman, but he aimed high and became an electrical engineer which pays extremely well. I Could have been studied english or been a bookkeeper or whatever but I Aimed a little higher with accounting to have a comfortable lifestyle. I guess my point is if this is your goal, you will find a career in line with your goal. But career is not the ne all end all. ISn;t it the statistic that people change their careers 3 times in their lives or something? Seriously. Financial health is something you can keep forever if you work at it.
November 10th, 2006 at 10:13 am
http://blog.lifebeyondcode.com/blog/_archives/2005/8/9/112...
Do click thru on the followup replies!
November 16th, 2006 at 07:09 am
so yea you make total sense, i think your want to be financially healthy is the ideal dream/goal of a lot of people, and if it isn't well then it damn well should be! lol
keep doin ya thing
November 22nd, 2006 at 11:18 pm
One: being debt free and having savings means that when you identify a gaol, it's often that much closer than if you weren't financially sound. So you are preparing for your goals. Examples, so that this makes sense? Sure. You decide you want to travel to Antarctica for two months. You are closer because you are closer to being able to afford it. You decide you want to volunteer for a worthy cause; living simply has prepared you to spend time volunteering instead of working. You pick up a new hobby; living simply and having no debt means you can devote time, as well as money for materials. So really, you are building a strong base upon which you can make all your goals more achievable.
Hah! to the monk sister.
Two: I think goals and stages in life are somehat cyclical. Sometimes we are going going going; sometimes we are regrouping, retrenching. After a divorce and debt, just retrenching is valuable....you don't have to move forward, you have to become comfortable with where you are at. Then you can start move move moving again.
November 24th, 2006 at 04:32 pm
I don't feel so bad now... not that I felt too badly to begin with. Now that I'm on my own, I no longer wish to apologize for my own goals in life. Nor do I want to accomodate someone else's expectations.
I'm just going to be me from now on.
November 29th, 2006 at 07:53 pm
Though I have to say, we are wonderfully blessed to have found this site and we receive wonderful encouragement, motivation, advice, and simply opportunity to listen or be heard towards our goal. We make good online friendships.
If this were not the case, I would think someone too strictly focused on money is stingy if they do not allow room for enjoyment or sharing with others. i.e.: a person working all the time because chatting with another is a waste of time and loss of money. This is soooo not you! Smile
Knowing we can do this goal and still smell the flowers on the way is awesome. I guess my honest reaction is that it depends on if the goal is preventing you or allowing you to have and do. Gaining financial freedom without hurting or harming one self and others is a wonderful goal.
I have the thought in my head but often have a hard time putting them into English. Forgive me if this comes out wrong.
November 30th, 2006 at 06:01 pm