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It's over

January 16th, 2007 at 11:55 am

My lawyer just called and told me that my divorce has been finalized.

Even though it's something that's been long overdue, I still can't help but feel sad and empty.

For a while now, I have thought about what I should do to cope on this day. I thought I had a pretty good idea in mind, but now that it's finally here, I'm not sure what to do.

It feels like being separated again. The sense of being lost and helpless, and everything at every turn reminds you of how you're alone now. Like you no longer belong anywhere...

It's strange for a guy to feel that way, eh? You'd think a guy would be jumping for joy, merrily dancing towards down the streets, looking for women to pick up. Eh, too bad I'm not type.

I'll be fine though. I guess I'm just getting it off my chest, that's all.

Posted in Uncategorized | 39 Comments »

39 Responses to “It's over”

  1. nanamom Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 01:07 pm

    Guys are allowed to feel that way. You have my sympathy and prayers. I've been there and understand. It feels yucky (can you tell I hang out with a 3 yr odl!) right now, but will get better. The empty space will be there forever but as time goes by you can forget it for longer periods of time and eventually it doesn't hurt.

  2. Ima saver Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 01:33 pm

    You know, I wanted a divorce from my first husband because he treated me so badly and I was so unhappy. But, I still felt bad going thru it. I hope you meet someone new soon. That helps. but I am so sorry you are feeling blue today.

  3. fairy74 Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 01:53 pm

    BA, many good thoughts going your way. My ex and I had an amicable divorce and are still good friends, but the day I got those final papers in the mail, they felt like they weighed a million pounds and I was shaking so bad I almost couldn't open the envelope. It's hard when you've given everything of yourself and still it doesn't work...Fortunately, life does go on and the ache does heal. All the best to you!

  4. LuxLiving Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 02:06 pm

    Totally understandable. We're rooting for you!

  5. campfrugal Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 02:14 pm

    I think you should treat yourself to a movie, with popcorn. My thoughts are with you and hope you come up with something to take away the sadness.

  6. Frayed Buckeye Card Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 02:53 pm

    It must feel the same as when you are widowed, your other world is gone, and it's life in a new scary one. Feel it now and then if possible , let it go. Have a good life.

  7. The Dollar Diva Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 03:19 pm

    I'm sending you uplifting thoughts but you'll have to send them back to me next month when my divorce is final. Smile

  8. living_in_oz Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 03:28 pm

    ((((((HUGS)))))))
    It's okay to feel bad...even if you're a guySmile Emotions aren't just for us gals. Ask my DH and DS, both of them tend to show more emotion than I do!LOL

    You'll be okay. You already know that. Look towards a bright furture!

  9. Lez Save $ Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 05:06 pm

    BA hang in there!!! Love is all around you, you can find new love anytime you want. But first, learn to love yourself the way you are now, with or without a partner, and don't let that person define your sense of fulfillness!!

  10. scfr Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 05:20 pm

    I'm so sorry.

  11. debtfreeme Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 05:48 pm

    I wish i had magical powers to help, but just know your among friends.

  12. marymara Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 05:51 pm

    You are such an interesting man with a strong personality. Your writing shows you to be creative and I believe you are highly intelligent. If this 63-year old were thirty years younger she would be flirting shamelessly with you. And imagine how rich we would become following DR so well. Good luck, BA. SmileSmileSmile

  13. Broken Arrow Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 06:42 pm

    Thank you everyone, for your uplifting words. I truely appreciated that.

    campfrugal, I did go to a movie. I saw "Children of Men". It was a great way to take my mind off of things for a couple of hours. Very powerful movie.

    Best of luck to yours, Dollar Diva. I hope it wasn't too messy.

    marymara, your response made me laugh out loud! In a good way. Smile

  14. Amber Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 06:50 pm

    I am sorry to hear about your divorce, keep your head up because I see it as a another woman's gain Smile

  15. jodi Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 07:28 pm

    Why if I wasn't married myself...uh, don't tell DH I just said that. Smile Best of luck to you, BA, in the coming months. I have no doubt that you will pull through just fine. I hope things get easier for you soon.

  16. threebeansalad Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 08:31 pm

    Allow yourself to feel blue... but know that each day will be better as you move towards a brighter future.

  17. LuckyRobin Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 12:04 am

    You are a good man. You have strong ideals, common sense, a kind heart, a wicked sense of humor, a very pleasant singing voice, and your head screwed on straight. You are faithful and true blue and have incredible strength of character. You have lost something that it was never your intention to lose, through no fault of your own. You will feel better in time, but yes, it will take time. And with all those qualities, when you are ready you will find someone who deserves you and you will be happy again. Because I don't believe in a world where you won't be happy again. Smile And with this many married ladies on the blog who think you are great, there's got to be some single ones out there in the real world who do, too!

  18. rduell Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 03:35 am

    Sending you positive thoughts.

  19. Broken Arrow Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 05:32 am

    Thank you for the additional well-wishes. I don't think words can articulate how much they are appreciated.

    Robin, you really have a way with words. Are you a writer of some kind? If not, ever thought about being one?

    And don't worry jodi, your secret is safe with me. And, thanks for the compliment. Wink

  20. tinapbeana Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 09:42 am

    how did i miss this entry yesterday?!??? BAH!

    at any rate, BA, the only words i can share are to count the blessings you have and dream of the opportunities that await you.

  21. Boefixepa Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 09:52 am

    BA...hang in there. Things will get better. I've been with a close friend as she goes through this. Hers came through just a few weeks ago too. It's hard no matter how you look at it. Stay close and we will help to pull you through!

  22. vsjhoc Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 10:43 am

    Been there, done that, it sucks.

    Just to give you a heads up of some of the times that may be difficult:

    The first time it's your anniversary but you aren't married.
    The first time you refer to "my ex-wife."
    The first time you tell someone "I'm divorced."
    The first time you fill out a form and you can't check "single" or "married."
    Your birthday. Hers. Holidays. Vacation.

    But you know what? Like everyone says, over time it gets better. It's not a straight line progression; some days are better than others. And like everyone else has said, we know you're off to a great start and will be OK. Just don't dump us when you meet the woman of your dreams!!

  23. miclason Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 10:55 am

    ((hugs)) I was on holiday yesterday and didn't have time to go through the blogs (had promised Ale!)...I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down!...divorce is tough...when I got my final divorce papers, I felt liberated, but, mostly because we had such a sad marriage in the end...not too bad, but very very sad!...and, Ale had just been born, and I hadn't been able to go to the public register because legally I was still married and, if I had gone, she would have had to use my ex's surname (I realize how awful that sounds but, he's not her dad and, we were separated for about a year before we decided divorcing was a good idea!)...oh, yes, you could write a nice latin soap-opera with our story!

  24. LuckyRobin Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 11:27 am

    Thanks, B.A. It is actually my biggest dream.

  25. rob62521 Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 01:45 pm

    Hi, BA! Hopefully you are feeling a bit better. I think it's normal to be sad when the divorce is final. Because anything that's final means it's over -- good or bad. I wish I could magically make you happy, because you are a nice guy with some pretty amusing posts. Take it a day at a time and give yourself a chance to heal.

  26. scottish girl Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 04:09 pm

    Hope you feel better soon. Just take it one day at a time. Take care.

  27. Amanda Says:
    January 17th, 2007 at 07:33 pm

    Love,
    Think of this as the first step down a long and hurtful road. I'm sure it's something we all wished no one had to go through.

    Luckily, you've got us ... and I'm sure a HUGE load of "real" friends that will help you through this. When you look at your kids, you'll know that all the hurt you've had to go through was worth it.

    I can't speak from expierence on the divorce end, but I can say that everytime I look at my Julie, I have to smile when I think of her father. Obviously it didn't work out, but knowing that I have her makes everything ok.

    I'm sappy now ... thanks. Here's some long distance hugs. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

  28. monkeymama Says:
    January 18th, 2007 at 07:24 am

    so sorry. Frown
    Sounds like you are moving forward in a very positive direction. Hopefully only the best for the future!!!

  29. fern Says:
    January 18th, 2007 at 08:15 am

    sorry, BA, i somehow missed your post yesterday too.

    i felt pain and that sense of loss and being adrift even when it involved a guy who really had too many issues, too much anger in him. Now, with the benefit of distance from him and time, i can so much more clearly see what a disaster it would have been to have stuck with him.

    So know that what you're feeling is perfectly normal, but this too shall pass. Baby yourself a little and treat yourself in little ways. Try to cultivate new friendships or group activities that get you out more.

  30. Broken Arrow Says:
    January 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am

    Thanks again everyone. Smile
    I'm trying my best to stay occupied and take it one day at a time....

  31. sicilyyoder Says:
    January 19th, 2007 at 06:50 am

    I'm here if you need someone to chat with:>)

  32. JanH Says:
    January 19th, 2007 at 10:27 am

    A loss hurts. I wonder if a divorce is painful in a different way because it is so drawn out. You are a terrific guy who doesn't mind showing his crazy self (you sleep in a closet....) and I know you'd be fun company. Take time to mourn and recover. Take care of yourself. Don't keep beating on yourself. And remember that you aren't alone. You've got a whole community on your side. (If I burst into song here, slap me. I sing horribly.) Seriously, we care a lot about you.

  33. gruntina Says:
    January 19th, 2007 at 03:54 pm

    Funny! I submitted a comment a couple times a few days back and seem it did not make it through!?! Hopefully it will work this time.

    As one been through a divorce, I won't lie... its messy and ugly and hurtful but it is something that can be overcome in beauty. You now have an opportunity to apply your knowledge of the past to new beginnings. Life probably feels a lot different with new perspectives. Myself, I feel I gained more empathy towards others since my divorce and that gave me some fruit of spirits that I am grateful to carry now.

    A seed has to die in order for it to grow into something beautiful.. Maybe this transition of feeling sad and lonely through this transition from being officially divorced and a new path is one of those times.

    If it's any consolidation... I had a crush on your online personality when I first joined this site. smile!

  34. gruntina Says:
    January 19th, 2007 at 03:56 pm

    Hey JanH -

    Don't feel too bad about your singing. If I sing, birds will fall from the sky!

  35. T_I_N_A20 Says:
    January 20th, 2007 at 11:24 am

    Just look at it as a brand new start! =D

  36. jersey jen Says:
    January 20th, 2007 at 08:25 pm

    i'd like to send my regards. look forward to a new start!

  37. Thrifty Ray Says:
    January 22nd, 2007 at 08:50 am

    BA- Healing comes as you create good memories in your 'new life' to draw from. Right now, life is a big uncertain question mark.

    You are indeed a wonderful, kindhearted soul...which is alot of womens dream guy--so have confidence...'she' is out there...anxious to meet you too.

    You will heal and one day look back at this time in your life as a transition period...that prepared you for the life you will then be living.

    In the meantime, we are certainly all here for you!

  38. Carolina Bound Says:
    January 23rd, 2007 at 05:06 am

    I didn't see this till this morning. I hope that some of the pain has lifted already. The final break is a jolt, but it will get better and someday you will see that it was for the best.

  39. PRICEPLUS Says:
    January 24th, 2007 at 05:37 pm

    Sorry dude! It has got to hurt something fierce. I hope things get better for you!

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