This is yet another entry that's not directly related to personal finances. However, someone mentioned in passing about knowing more about me. Perhaps this will help.
While I do not directly participate in online dating, it is nonetheless fascinating to me to see what people will put down as their "sales pitch". I suppose the underlying psychology is what fascinates me the most.
But for today's topic, it is what women put down for an "ideal mate".
Here's a general sample:
Height: 5'10" to 6'2"
Build: Athletic/Toned
Education: Bachelors and up
Income: 50K and more
Religion: Christian
Kids: Yes! Make that 2!
Personality: Bold/Assertive, adventurous, Intelligent, Romantic, Flirty (only to you), and a great sense of humor.
Ladies, how am I doing? 
In fact, after a few dozen pages, this turned out to be a pretty consistent theme.
Ah, the only problem for me is I fit into very few of these categories. In fact, the only thing I qualify so far is a Bachelor's degree.
Now, I realize that this is also an idealistic check-list, so I'm sure prospective women are willing to forgive an item or two. However, nearly the entire list? Could be a problem....
Strangely enough, clipping coupons and mixing one's own salad dressing seem to be notably absent in all of these lists. Perhaps these coveted skills are so ubiquitous that it simply goes without saying? Yeah, that's it!
But anyways, rather than dwelling on my impressive array of less-than-ideal traits, I decided to ask myself, "What is it that I CAN improve on?"
Well, let's see... I think I can probably work on a little bit of everything except my height (I'm not going to get any taller without walking real funny) and the children requirement. (I am vasectomized. I don't want to bear any more children, but women who already have their own children is fine since I'm in the same boat. Besides, bears are expensive to feed and they're big and scary.)
This is going to be a tough market to break into. Assuming that I really want to do something about it. I'm not really good at doing something just for the sake of impressing people. This blog may imply otherwise, but I really am not. I only do it if it makes sense to me somehow. A rebel without a clue I mean cause.
But anyways, let me close with this age old question: How do people meet people? If you're in a serious relationship, how did you meet your significant other? If you are not, how are you going about meeting people? What have you found that works and doesn't work?
Matching
August 4th, 2008 at 07:33 pm
August 4th, 2008 at 07:48 pm
Wow! I'm having so much fun with your posts today!
Do you do any sports? Being Swimgirl, I would swim! Go join a masters group. How about running? Tons of running clubs! Take a cooking class, an art class, a wine-tasting class ... (oh, jeez, now I'm making all sorts of assumptions!)
Walk your dog, and as a friend says, "Walk with purpose!" That is, look around. How about an alumni group? Many universities have them all over. I went to school in CA, but there was a local alumni group when I lived in DC. Volunteer somewhere... soup kitchen, animal shelter,etc. Go to book signings and author talks.
Don't know how old you are, but those are some thoughts. Good luck.
August 4th, 2008 at 08:04 pm
I met my husband at work. Fortunately, he did not work at the same office (half way round the world in fact), so it would not have been awkward if things did not work out.
The volunteering idea is great. The organization I volunteer with is made up of 100% female volunteers.
August 4th, 2008 at 08:15 pm
August 4th, 2008 at 08:21 pm
But that was a very long time ago. I still have interest in it, but nowadays, I'm too stingy to pay classes for it.
And actually swimming sounds like a spiffy idea. Great cardio, minimal risk to injury, and don't have to worry about cooling off from the summer heat.... HUH! I'm going to look into that.
I'm in my mid-30's.
scfr, thank you for saying so. Your hubby is lucky to have a girl like you.
CD: Hehehe, well now that you mentioned it, I suppose that's quite possible. I've always thought that this place is dominated by women who are already married and have moved on to bigger and better things.
But that's OK with me too, because it's like a well of experienced women that I can tap for things I wouldn't normally be able to get from guys, especially when I experiencing a culinary malfunction.
August 4th, 2008 at 08:53 pm
BA you've got the sense of humor and intelligence in spades - plus I would venture to say you've got a bit of an adventurer in you seeing how you're willing to put yourself out there to all of us with your singing and guitar playing - that takes real guts.
Just be yourself. Someone is out there who will see your value - and who doesn't want any more kids. Finding that person online? It happens. Just this weekend I met a couple who met online through a vegetarian singles online network group - they were scarily well suited for each other.
Real - life places? Like someone else mentioned -- cooking classes
Maybe your financial meetup group - someone might join who'd be interesting.
One suggestion though for the online dating thing. Don't just go by pictures. Actually read the ladies profile and see what they're looking for. 9 out 10 contacts I get are from men either younger than my brother, or older than my dad - or from another country altogether, etc. But . . also don't be completely turned away by what the lady might have in her profile - everything in it might not be set in stone. So, if the overall profile appeals (NOT just the picture) it wouldn't hurt to take a chance.
Oh one more thing.
August 4th, 2008 at 08:56 pm
Please feel free to delete these extraneous comments.
August 4th, 2008 at 09:00 pm
While I never met you in person or really know you in real life, you are quite the sensation on this site. You have grown so much from dealing with your divorce and blooming into a person with so many talents and finding pleasures in life such as cooking, planting, savings and investing, home interior styles, guitar lessons and much more. If we had an award session, I give you the most improved and successful person award! Did you do these things before you got on savings advice?
Everyone has challenges (me in a few years back, a divorced woman who been through domestic violence and deep in debts around 60k and being deaf, I thought... who the heck would want me?)
It just a matter of finding a lady with having the same mindset of a quality relationship instead of looking for a relationship to fit an "image”.
In the meantime, keep doing what you love and join the community to meet people such as festivals, volunteer works, look in your newspapers for community events and stuff. Also it helps to be open minded, that lady night not be the image that most guys would look for.
For me it was eHarmoney because I knew exactly what I was looking for personality wise and I got my prince charming.
August 4th, 2008 at 09:19 pm
Anyway, I think you make very good points about how I am hoping things can still work out for hapless guys like me.
Yeah, I included religion because I was thinking the same thing. While I'm sure some women are very religious, I believe others are a bit more casual. But I think both will put down "Christian" because perhaps they universally desire a mate who is going to be "faithful" not just in the religious sense, but faithful in the personal sense to her. So, very nice to see somebody catch that.
I also fully agree about college degrees not equating to intelligence. However, it's still a consistent pattern that I've seen. Perhaps it at least implies some kind of intelligence, money-making ability, and/or discipline to have obtained the degree in the first place. But yes, I agree that something like that may not be set in stone.
Oh, and thanks for saying I've got guts. That's better than the conclusion I have drawn, which is sheer, blinding stupidity.
I've got another day trading meetup tomorrow. Even if I make it, I highly highly doubt I'll meet someone of the female and eligible persuasion.
Finally, you'll be happy to know that I really do read people's profiles. Yeah, I look at pictures too, but I'm not out for one-night stands. I really want a single, steady relationship instead, so profiles definite matters. Oh and don't worry: ME NO RITE LIKE ME TXT LIKE 8YRS LOL.
gruntina, thank you for saying so! You know, I don't view myself as some kind of er... sensation. Quite awkward to even type out. Rather, I just write whatever about myself, and it's actually you, the fellow readers, who have exhibited the interest in following it!
Which I've found to be a source of endless fascination. I mean, by all accounts, I'm actually a rather normal, if not boring kind of guy. I mean, I work, eat, sleep, and wake up to do it all over again. My hobbies are minimal (but you guys appreciate it as a means to be frugal). So, for anyone-- much less a group of people-- to find such ordinary activities interesting surprises me as much as anybody. I mean, I'm GRATEFUL!
Yeah, I'm definitely going to continue to just be myself and do what I believe in and enjoy. I honestly don't know any other way. I march to the beat of my own drummer, but I think he's lost and won't stop to ask directions.
Yeah, you've been through quite a bit, but I'm glad that you've found your Prince and are in a much better place in life. For what it's worth, I don't see your old self as someone undesirable. Just someone who was in an unfortunate point in life.
August 4th, 2008 at 09:49 pm
Go to www.usms.org That is the US Masters Swimming website. There is an option to look for "Places to Swim." You can also ask around at public pools. But find a group, not just a "lap swimming" time. Most Masters groups have a huge variety of abilities, ages, body types and fitness levels. There are usually coaches to help you get going, and lanes are assigned based on time. There is a place for everyone. My club has lots of social gatherings, but the real social aspect is in the pool every day. Many a match has been made at my club, seriously.
I pay $45 per month. Yikes! But I go at least three times a week and enjoy great coached workouts. I wish you lived in my town (oooh! Maybe you DO!) I'd drag you out at the crack of dawn when I go. It's a great way to start the day. Although I think there are more singles at the evening workouts.
Sorry for the novel, but I love swimming!
What clubs can you find, anything? And really, a cooking class...
August 5th, 2008 at 03:05 am
I never took dating on Match too serious and I just considered it an activity; something to do with no real expectations. I did meet some nice people and eventually; after a lot of weeding and about two years of dating, met my husband who I have been married to for one year now.
It seems that when you least expect it; it falls in your lap.
Best wishes,
August 5th, 2008 at 05:17 am
Er, $45 a month? Well, I guess that makes sense though, since it's a swimming pool they have to maintain. Hmm... yeah, I'll still look into it, but I'll probably want to try cheaper options first.
However, I thank you for your offer and will keep it mind! Lord knows I'm going to need my own personal lifeguard if I hit the water. I mean, those kiddie pools are still a drowning hazard!
Lost in Debt:
I can't imagine why people would lie on dating sites. I mean, seriously, did they expect that their dates will somehow accept the fact that they're being deceived? Feel free to share any amusing tales of woe if you should recall any.
Anyways, when I was single, I thought I'd never get married. I ended up getting married and having three kids. And when I was married, I thought I'd never get divorced. Now here I am, divorced. So, after all that, I am now of the opinion that anything could happen; good, bad, and ugly.
August 5th, 2008 at 05:21 am
But as someone once told me, "you've got to think like who you're looking for". I've had friends meet their boyfriends or husbands at rodeos, horse shows, Applebee's, etc. My mom & stepdad met at a horse show, because it was something that interested both of them.
I haven't been on this site too long, but even I have noticed that you are very much a "sensation" here. If your blogging styles portrays your actual personality, I'm sure you'll have no problem at all once you get to know someone.
And as for the "ideal" person, my preferences would probably be pretty similar. However, half the guys I've dated have been shorter than 5'10... I don't really care as long as they're taller than me.
Religion is a big deal to me, because it's a big part of my life. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who differed on a very basic part of it.
I'm pretty confident that you will be fine in the dating world. Through the screens of the computer, you seem like a catch to all of us!
August 5th, 2008 at 05:27 am
My best friend met in high school too, and they're still (mostly) happily-married to this day. Their one sore spot is fighting over money, but that seems like a fairly common theme. Still, I know they're very much in love with each other. I know in the last anniversary, he actually wrote her an original song. (This is also the same friend who gave me his spare guitar.)
Both of them are really good people, and I'm glad that they've found each other.
I wonder where frugal people meet?
August 5th, 2008 at 05:46 am
You could check some third world country where living with you would be the preferred choice over death and disease.
August 5th, 2008 at 05:55 am
1) I wonder if the survey results would differ if you asked a group of unmarried women, versus women that had been married for several years. I think clipping coupons and making salad dressing would make the list of the women who had been married. Not that I don't love my DH of 22+ years but what I wanted then versus now are definitely different in many ways.
2) If you were really into martial arts and don't want to pay for lessons, is there any way you could volunteer/teach to either earn $$ or lessons? My two youngest take Tae Kwan Do and there are several adults who have worked their way up and teach/help out to get reduced cost or free lessons. Plus, you never know, their might be some single ladies taking classes!
August 5th, 2008 at 06:08 am
I think you're quite right about the first point. After having been married, my own perception of what would interest me in women has certainly changed as well.
But then, I kind of figure that single women probably wouldn't be as compatible to me as much as perhaps divorced women nowadays. Certainly, party-goers still in their 20's would most likely find me quite dull.
You know, two of my instructors in the past have offered me teaching positions. And by that, they were sort of hoping that I would do their basic grunt work without paying me.
merch:
You are the man! The man with the plan!
August 5th, 2008 at 07:22 am
I've heard of an "Athletic Singles" group in our city, although since it was a business the fees were more than I wanted to pay, and at the time the membership was a bit older than my target range.
My mother (who is divorced) has met several guys by joining a group that plays pick-up volleyball games a couple times a week.
August 5th, 2008 at 07:30 am
He broke the date with her and came over to go out with me. It was love at first sight and we bought knew it. We stayed up all night just talking. (Really, just talking) We got married a few weeks later.
I meant to say, we both knew it!
August 5th, 2008 at 08:09 am
Our program also offers a punch card if you don't go that often. And most programs allow you to try it out for free for about 5 times before you sign up.
And in my budget, I think of it as "health and peace." I am more productive and cheerier when I've gone swimming.
Don't let the money scare you. It will likely be less anywhere else but CA.
August 5th, 2008 at 09:20 am
I do like intelligent, tall guys with a sense on humor. (Tallness is my hang up, a general one I believe). But I don't identify with most of that list.
There's someone out there for you and the more you get out and meet people the more likely you will find her. I don't have anything to add but the obvious. Get out and volunteer (to meet more genuine people - I have met the most nicest people in the world volunteering). Or join a group in regards to some of your hobbies. Maybe you will meet other frugal chicks at the library. Etc., etc.
August 5th, 2008 at 09:33 am
I'm with others here and think you'll do just fine! When the time is right, you'll meet someone special. I met my DH at a time I did NOT want a guy in my life. Things happen for a reason.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Not sure what more I can say about it, but I appreciate all the responses.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I Never would have asked for him, a computer geek, working at a pizza shop, and living with his mother, because he is too cheap to move out!
On the other hand he would never have asked for me..I have the opposite look physically, I smoked, hated video games, and was used to being spoiled by men.
So why on earth we got together is anyones guess. (well he was the cutest guy at the party)
My point is you never know what traits really make the best match. so never change for someone. and don't feel obligated to fit all traits before starting a conversation.
oh and currently I meet the most people via volunteering and church. both free. But I did have to et over my shyness a bit to start conversations.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Anyways, you? Shy? Why do I have a hard time imagining that? Just curious, but who initiated by the way?
August 5th, 2008 at 01:09 pm
My advice to meet someone- do what you do. Be yourself and discover yourself. Eventually you might find a person which has that one common interest.
If you stay inside you will only meet someone which stays inside too. Then you can only meet via internet or similar.
If you are looking for what to put in an online ad, I might suggest being general and vague, and encourage people to contact you so you can get to know a person.
How any one person gets to know another will be different. Wife and I e-mailed for weeks and talked on phone a few times before meeting. After meeting we dated for around 2 years before I proposed.
1) Meet people
2) get to know a person/ many people
3) make sure you know the person before committing too much.
August 5th, 2008 at 02:19 pm
and I don't know who started it....
August 5th, 2008 at 05:47 pm
i met my BF through family friends. we've been together for over 5 years but didn't tell anyone for nearly 1.5 years because we didn't know what people would think/say considering our age difference (7 years).
I find as I get older no one bats an eyelid at the age difference, but being 16, it was a huge thing.
I don't think salary, age, body type, height, looks, etc come into play with me, personally. The most important factors I find are common interests (BF and I love music, action & scifi movies, cars, good food, video games, art and tattoos).
Personally, I could never be with someone that has a high attachement to religion. That's just me and my beliefs. Like I said, common interests.
So if frugality is a big interest, maybe you could start a couponclipping - matchmaking group!
August 6th, 2008 at 04:02 pm
That last part disqualified most of the guys I knew but I still managed to meet my DH in college despite that. Can't believe he is still putting up with me 8 years later...
I vote for a cooking class or another interest. Even random college classes can produce some interesting friendships (community colleges tend to have a lot of older students).
August 6th, 2008 at 06:45 pm
August 7th, 2008 at 07:24 am
I met Hubster at a NYeve party. Our hosts? I worked with the wife, he worked with the husband. He later dialed up to ask me out, I declined because I was otherwise connected at the time and when we broke up I told my workmate to have that 'nice-fellow' give me a call again. I thought he was weird on our first date, but he grew on me.
August 7th, 2008 at 03:12 pm
Good luck, though...may you find someone who appreciates all that we see here at savingadvice...you truly ARE a big favorite here!
August 7th, 2008 at 04:59 pm
So... ok, leave my pet pig at home right? Ok, whew, would hate to make that mistake.
miclason:
Wow. Such a huge compliment from someone who rarely comments. Thank you, Marie.
August 11th, 2008 at 08:45 am
By the way, thanks for getting off topic. It gets a little old talking about finances all the time.
August 11th, 2008 at 09:12 am
Well, because this is a PF site, I figure some may expect that at least I try to stay mostly on topic.
But may I also propose that perhaps attraction and the "mating dance" is perhaps one of our greatest expenses? When we think about it, the amount of time, effort, and money spent by both sexes to attract each other is simply staggering.
At least that's my excuse for entries like these.
August 11th, 2008 at 04:27 pm
Then there is the keeping up with dating expenses once that initial attraction has worn off and the real relationship begins. How do you start a conversation with...honey I love you but I need to spend less, but then again having that conversation up front is difficult too.
I bring it up in terms of goals and the future. "Where do you see your self in the future? How would your dream day be? (Gives a lot of insight into a person’s thoughts and money habits I have found.) If you could retire tomorrow what would you do?"
I also am upfront about where I stand and what is important to me: paying off debt, buying a house (then paying it off) and saving for retirement. Would those be easier with a mate, Hell yes. Am I willing to settle for some one? Hell no.
Thanks BA for opening up this topic. It spurred a lot of great conversation on date number 2. (not likely to be a date three but those were for other reasons.)
When is the next music entry happening?
August 11th, 2008 at 05:18 pm
I don't know. I'm still trying to perfect Belle. Getting closer though. I kind of just let myself do whatever I feel like on the music front, taking on my own sweet, sweet snail pace of a time.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
But before that, I knew DH because we both went to the same parties, brunches, etc. Think about hosting a dinner party, brunch, or birthday party, invite a mixed gender crowd, and see who shows.
August 18th, 2008 at 06:43 am
August 18th, 2008 at 08:53 pm
August 21st, 2008 at 03:49 pm
i met someone from CL recently, but i didn't feel a strong connection. I was emailing about 4 others, but i ruled some out and 1 or 2 just disappeared somehow....
but give it a shot.
August 21st, 2008 at 04:19 pm
Hehehe, nice. But, until then.
fern:
What?! LEGIT ads from CL? Too... boggling! Mind... melting!
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
As for my luck - zip, though I have had other issues in life lately. I am at the point I can try to put energy into dating again. As for me I get a 5 (or 5.5) out of your 7 items, but nothing romantically for me. The killer for me is the religion (or my lack thereof).
Good luck to you (and me)!
August 31st, 2008 at 08:14 pm
For me personally, the mating dance is the only thing in this world I will not do without. I would rather lose a leg than lose the ability to interact with the opposite sex.
I LOVE WOMEN ABOVE ALL ELSE.
They are the reason I want to improve myself, I am hopelessly lost in my admiration/attraction to the blessed form that is the human female.