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On love and money

August 23rd, 2010 at 01:04 pm

Now, here are two words that can provide an endless well of interesting conversations.

I was reading this rather interesting article that states that while frugality may be an admirable trait, to the general population, it's still viewed mostly as either boring or even stingy. Well, there goes my chances. Big Grin

What I find particularly interesting is that money used to play a much more prominent role in marriage prospects in the yesteryear. According to the article, an old ad from the 1860s reads, "A young lady, rather good looking, and of good address, desires the acquaintance of a gentleman of wealth (none other need apply), with a view to matrimony." The article ruminates, "Several generations back, personal ads could not have been more explicit about finances, since everyone knew that women generally had no income and a marriage involving a man of means was the only way to live comfortably."

As a result, financial fitness was once seen as a very important trait in men, and the ads from men back then blatantly reflected that. "'There was this idea that men were very frugal,' said Ms. Epstein, 33, who posts copies of some of the ads she’s dug up at advertisingforlove.com. 'You were going to work hard and save your money, and then by doing so, you would be able to support a wife in comfort.'"

Whatever happened to the good ole days. Big Grin Actually, I shouldn't say that because I probably would not be able to compete in the sense that I don't make a lot of money right now. But I digress....

Either way, the article continues on with what I thought was a refreshingly direct shot at the truth about love and money. "'Frugality may or may not have anything to do with how much he loves you,' said BJ Gallagher, 61, an experienced online dater and author of several self-help books for women. 'But for a lot of women, love looks like 'Take care of me and give me things.''" Now, I'm not saying that generalizations like this will conveniently apply to every woman today, but I think there is quite a bit of truth to that statement. In the end, we all still want a sense of stability and comfort. Even as a guy, I do too (though, I am expected to make the money to provide, not be provided for).

Or, maybe she's wrong, or that there's more to this? What do you think, you ladies, rather good looking, and of good address? Big Grin

2 Responses to “On love and money”

  1. momcents Says:


    Prior to my having kids, I worked for a short time (one year) on a closed psychiatric. One old and successful psychiatrist looked at me (not knowing I was married) and said, "The first time you marry, it should be for money. The second time you marry, it should be for love." I had to point out that I was already married and did it for love. He laughed and said, "You will have a lifetime of happiness, but maybe not good fortune." I am not sure what the implication of this was, but I didn't take it as positive. And BTW, my happiness is usually boundless, and I consider the health and happiness that my immediate family has as good fortune.

  2. MonkeyMama Says:

    I married for love, but someone very practical with the same money personality.

    I think I have said before. I would only find compatability with someone who was hard working. So though money wasn't important to me, I think a lot of my friends seeing us now think that I am happy to provide for my family. Um, no. When I met my dh I was dating a guy a few years my senior, who to this day still goes to school and still lives at home. It obviously was not working - they guy had no ambition. Then I met dh, who was working and living at home, too, but had a wee bit more ambition. In fact, one of the things that attracted me to him was he was promoted very rapidly at the job where I met him. He was also working and saving a lot of money thought he didn't "need" to work in college. & someone who was careful with their money.

    Anyway, point is, I never wanted to be taken care of, but I also never desired to take care of anyone else - just wanted an equal partner.

    I wouldn't overthink it too much, BA. Clearly you want a financially independent woman. Or at the least, someone with financial common sense. I actually know a fair amount of women who fit the bill - they are out there. I think if you find yourself compatible with someone on many different levels, you will find maybe you are compatible financially, too. It's not like I ask friends and suitors about their finances, but the type of people I usually feel most comfortable with have very similar money personalities, too. I think it's pretty easy to weed out the more materialistic gold diggers.

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