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April 2nd, 2009 at 07:12 pm

Earlier this year, my mother told the children that she wants us to go to Disneyworld this summer.


It was one of those places that my ex and I once talked about taking the family there. Somewhere deep inside my tight-wadded heart, I secretly loved it. Visions of the rides where the kids and my ex would be able to get on, and the ensuing laughter and squeals danced through my head.

But that was back at a time when divorce wasn't even in my vocabulary. As they say in the Apollo 13 movie, "Hell, we've never even simulated that before." And now, here I am faced with the prospect of perhaps having to go to Disneyworld without my ex.... A woman whom I still love. A woman whom I still detest.

I know, I know. "BA, you're being too mopey. Snap out of it and go have fun with your mother and kids!"

But the human heart, or at least mine, can be quite the touchy child. After all these years, I have yet to see LOST. I loved the parts of the first season that I saw, but haven't been able to get myself to watch the rest yet, knowing full well that's what the ex and her boyfriend enjoyed as they camped out at his place while we were still quite married....

After all these years, I said that I would draw the strength to finally watch the show some time this year. But Disneyworld? That's too sudden!

I wonder if I will break down in tears? I wonder what the children or my mother would say if they caught me breaking down? What about the crowds? Would they think that perhaps I am somehow injured while waiting in line to ride It's a Small Small World? Would Goofy run up and try to give me CPR? Now that would be funny.

Yeah, I know I'm sulking still, I know the world doesn't center around me, and that I Don't Have Any Problems. And for heaven sakes, I AM a man, and somehow I'm sure I'll survive-- oooh horrors-- Disneyworld.

Just the same, if it does come to that, I think I may need to hold my daughter a little extra close. I hope she doesn't mind. She's getting old enough that she starting to not like being coddled. It's just that, she's the only thing I have left that's close to the woman I once loved. They grow so fast, but I am hoping that she can still be daddy's little girl for just a little while longer... at least until after Disneyworld.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go over to the forums and talk about stocks or something while I search for my misplaced man-card.

19 Responses to “Disneyworld”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Oh...you have to go! You will have fun. The kids will love it. Ours were asking to go back almost from the day we returned and still are. We went to Disneyworld 3 years ago. Just go...enjoy being able to give them that joy and be the one there to experience it. It's just priceless fun!!

  2. Thrifty Ray Says:

    Ah, BA. Your feelings are completely understandable. Your children deserve wonderful memories with dad...so do what you can to create them and take care of your heart in the process.

  3. whitestripe Says:

    think of how much better off you are without the woman who took you for granted and mopped the floor with your trust. have fun at disneyworld and think of how precious your children are Smile

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hehe, if we do end up going, of course I will have fun, especially for the kids. I really should have focused more on the financial side of this, because that's what I'd really be focusing on, but thanks for putting up with my moody entries.

  5. creditcardfree Says:

    Knowing you, coming up with the cash to go to Disney will just be another challenge that you WILL attain. Plus, Disney is so much fun when you go with CASH...priceless really!

  6. disneysteve Says:

    Go and have a great time. And dont worry about the emotional stuff. You don't often hear it discussed, but a visit to Disney World (2 words, btw) can often stir up strong emotions for one reason or another. For example, my father's favorite ride was it's a small world. He loved to do that. Now, whenever we ride it, I can't help but cry a bit and retell the story of it being my father's favorite. I'm sure my daughter is tired of hearing it, but that's just too bad.

    Other people get emotional simply because it is a trip they've always dreamed of taking. Or maybe they are there with a sick child or ailing parent who may not be around much longer. And I'm sure others are emotional for reasons similar to yours.

    My point is, don't let any of those concerns stop you from having a fantastic vacation with your kids. And don't hesitate to let your guard down and act like a kid yourself sometimes. Disney World is the best place I know to do that.

    Let me know if you decide to go. We'll be there for 2 weeks in August. If you're down the same time, maybe we could get together.

  7. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hehe, interesting Steve. You're willing to meet at Disney World? The whole thing is tenative for us, but I know why my mother wants us to go. The oldest is 19, getting maybe a little too "big" for the place, and the youngest is 9, just old enough that I think she will have a good time. My mom is right of course, that this is the ideal time to go. It will probably be over the summer, when the kids are out of school. But yeah, we will have to see.

  8. momcents Says:

    I put off Disney for many years - kids too little, too many little kids, the drive, etc. etc. etc. When we went my kids were 10,9,5,4,3 and it was THE BEST TIME ever as a family. You'll forget the emotional baggage stuff the minute you go on Space Mountain. And like Steve, I have wonderful memories of Disneyland with my great-grandmother loving It's a Small World.

    Most importantly, you will be making memories for your kids. That is what we as parents strive for - good memories for our kids to revisit.

  9. disneysteve Says:

    BA, I've met up with internet friends at Disney World numerous times. I'm active on a Disney discussion board and we set up "DIS meets" at the parks. In fact, we just had one here in NJ a few weeks ago and about 20 families showed up. It's nice to meet people in person after only knowing each other through our posts for so long.

  10. Aleta Says:

    BA: Go to Disney World with your parents and kids and enjoy yourself. Your kids are getting older and it is a good place to spend some quaulity time with them. Don't miss this opportunity.

    We will also be going to Orlando soon. I love it. It has a mystical power all of its own. Everyone there becomes a child. I especially love Blizzard Beach. If you have a chance to go there, your kids, you, and your parents will love it.

  11. boomeyers Says:

    BA, I think it is good that you are being honest with yourself! I understand regrets very much, the "would-shoulda-coulda". This is a chance to be proactive and start trying to change your perspective. You have months in front of you to reprogram your mind to just you and the kids. IF you decide to go, go online with the kids and see what rides they will like to go on, programs they would like to see. There are awesome things for 19 year olds to do! And then focus on the things the KIDS will like to do and what YOU want to do with them. Imagine the ex right out of the pictures in your mind.

    And as for the financial part, you will probably only do this once (unlike our buddy Steve!) so focus on the memory making more than the money!

    Oh, and don't forget all those other fun Orlando places, like SeaWorld and the Dixie Stampede! FUN! Smile

  12. miclason Says:

    I have yet to know 1 person ¨too old¨for Disney World!
    The ex and I used to go A LOT (remember, we flew standby, so, if flights to wherever we had planned were too full, we would just rent a car in Miami and drive there!....it was the only way/place to get over the ¨missed¨vacation!!)....You´ll love it...in fact, it might even help you exorcize the sorrow!! When I think of Disney World now, I don´t think about all those times I went with W., but about the fun we had with Ale!

  13. Phenomenal woman Says:

    Sounds like you can use some fun (besides financial fun. It would be crazy to pass this up.. It would be like letting life pass you by.

  14. monkeymama Says:

    I think you need to take the plunge - you may even have fun. Wink It just may be a step to move on...

  15. SicilyYoder Says:

    When I was a foster mom to my nieces and nephews I dreamed of taking them. We would watch the free Disneyworld video, plan our trip, and dream...but we never got to go. The girls wanted to stay at the Music Value Resort, with the piano pool. I am crying now, while writing this, as I never got to take them. I can never see the youngest two girls until they turn eighteen, as their adopted parents won't let me. Eventhough I do travel reviews, I haven't ventured to Disney, because I know I will cry. Now that I have one grandbaby, and another one, whose parents live an hour from orlando, on the way, you better believe we are going. What I learned was to never say, "never", and to create memories. When I have my own kids I will do that, too. Please go, cry, and have fun all at the same time. The kids will never forget it. As soon as the youngest girls turn eighteen, I'm getting my security lead to look them up, and we are going to Disney.

  16. My English Castle Says:

    Isn't it supposed to be the "happiest place on earth"? We didn't go this year, after two years of Disney, and I have to tell you, I missed it a lot. My university friends scoff, but there's something about getting on that boat and going to the Magic Kingdom that makes my heart glad. And I bet it'll make your heart glad too.

    And like Disney Steve, it's an emotional place. My parents once participated in one of the impromptu skits at Epcot, playing Romeo and Juliet. They were in their 70s at the time, and just thinking about my dad (now gone to Celestial Disney) playing Romeo makes me choke up.

    Go, go, go.
    Take pictures of you, the kids and Disney Steve posing with Mickey or Cinderella and we'll all vicariously enjoy it with you.

  17. reginaastralis Says:

    Honestly, I think even your oldest would enjoy it ... I go to Disney about 4 times a year with my parents, and I still love cuddling with my mom during the fireworks.

    And, even if you do tear up thinking about "what could have been" ... DisneySteve wasn't telling tall tales about people crying at Disney. I get a little misty eyed everytime I see the Castle, and I remember the first time my daughter "got it" about Cinderella living there.

  18. freedomcom Says:

    Don't worry about breaking down at Disney World. My wife and I do Thanksgiving there and try and go at least once a month. You will see a lot of people 'breaking' down from the sheer joy of being in that place.

  19. pretty cheap jewelry Says:

    geez, if we could bottle whatever Walt Disney had in his brain and executed, what a world this might become!!

    Do you need anymore 'go's?

    It's the 'life passing you by' comment that rings true. This is the hurdle to leap over. Not athletic? How about the plain ole put yourself out there time.

    Life is too short, not a dress rehearsal, and whatever those EST people used to say.

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