<< Back to all Blogs
Login or Create your own free blog
Home > I'm going to burn for this

I'm going to burn for this

May 15th, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Yeah, I know. I write a lot of non-pf stuff here, particularly complaining about my ex. I understand it's not particularly endearing to see someone who is willing to turn their blog into a toxic dumping ground of negativity.

I guess I do it because this is the online place I feel most comfortable with disclosing personal details. Plus, I'd rather vent here than have it affect my real life somehow....

I also hope that people will understand that I don't hold women in general to the same light as my ex. You see, my ex is a um special case in that she suffers from clinical-level anxiety disorders, where it's bad enough to induce regular intervals of panic attacks.

Panic attacks are pretty serious stuff, as anyone who has experienced one can tell you. For those who don't understand this, the best way I can explain it is that it's like having your own personal waterboarding... where in the brief moments of sheer terror, you experience the sensation that you are going to die. Your heart is racing out of control, your vision is blurring out, and you can't breathe. The result is powerful enough to pretty much freeze you in your tracks, even though it looks like there's absolutely nothing wrong on the outside.

Now, imagine that happening to you on a bi-monthly to bi-weekly basis, and in between the attacks, you're living in dread not knowing when the next one will strike.

It's bad enough that, in the entire time we were married, she has to take two medications every night to subdue those symptoms. The first is to ease the anxiety that leads to the panic attacks. Unfortunately, there are severe side effects that includes sluggishness, loss of libido, weight gain, and depression severe enough to lead some to suicide. So, a second SSRI is taken to at least ease the depression/suicidal aspect. Not much can be done about the other symptoms though....

Now, mind you, I've never held that against her. (That's also why I've never brought it up before.) Nobody is perfect right? What matters is that, when you love someone, you accept them as a whole package deal, and do what you can to help take care of them. And besides, she already sought treatment and medication.

So, why am I bringing this up now? For one thing, I am tired of being blamed as the sole cause of our marriage's failure. While I confess I am flawed and have done things I am not proud of, I don't think I am the kind of monster that my ex has told our co-workers, friends, and family that I am. Instead, I believe that my flawed are amplified and skewed because of her anxiety.... (And for that matter, whatever happened to those days when I have been good? Why are they conveniently forgotten?)

But the main reason I am bringing this up now is because I heard a disturbing rumor that an employee from her company did not get on an airplane because this person had a panic attack. Consequently, only their luggage made it, and that luggage had to be flown back.... Coincidence?

Come to think of it, the last couple of times I've interacted with her, she did seem thinner and unusually hyper.... Being off medication would also explain why my ex is acting so squirrely on me, such as telling me one thing, and then changing it without telling me.

So, why would she suddenly stop taking her medicine? Very simply, it's because she's in her 40s now, but her boyfriend is about 12 years younger. Perhaps she's worried about her libido and weight, and if so, the only answer that I know of is to stop taking medication....

If so, she's hurting herself by risking more panic attacks, and not only that, but it could also negatively impact the way she raises our children, which is what truly concerns me.

If she has indeed stopped taking her medication, I hope that someone will catch that (perhaps even by reading this blog entry) and coax her back on again.

Having a problem doesn't make one less of a person. Worrying about your relationship is perfectly normal. However, not taking the proper medication is not the solution, and in the long run, will only make things worse, not just for herself, but also for everyone around her.

Well, if you've managed this far, I thank you for listening, and here's another cat pic for your troubles.

11 Responses to “I'm going to burn for this”

  1. gamecock43 Says:

    I did make it all the way through, and I appreciate the cat pic.

    I am guessing you are concerned about your family living across town, across the street- wherever your ex lives. And you want to adress what might be a problem that has the potential to blow into a major problem- but you feel there is nothing you can do. You think if you bring it up, it will start a fight, no one will listen to you because its you, and you are hoping that someone your ex will listen to will read this and pick up the cause.

    I don't know if that's gonna happen, but its good that you are aware. Its good that you can be objective and see the big picture regarding your ex. And I have no idea what you should/can do except perhaps start mentally preparing for what happens if she has stopped her medications and chaos does erupt in your kids lives. Just keep your plans flexible in case they need a place to crash/they need to be picked up from school/or one of them starts getting into trouble themselves.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    I agree with gamecock...be ready to swoop in and help if needed. It is most important that your kids are getting proper care. They may need help understanding what is happening with mom.

    Best wishes in dealing with this.

  3. tynana Says:

    My son is living is a situation similar to the one you were in so I know how rough it can be not only on the spouse but also the family and friends of the couple. Glad you felt confortable enough to put it in your blog.

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hehe, yeah, you guys nailed it.

    At the very least, I'm just venting.

    At most? I know several friends and family from her side are aware of my blog. It's interesting, because most in her circle also have anxiety issues as well, and they do support each other, which on one hand is a good thing for her, but it also means that I often get the short end of the stick....

    Oh and don't get me started about her mother, who also has serious anxiety issues, but rather than seeking professional help, she chooses to self-medicate with alcohol and with disastrous consequences. (I've spent years trying to comfort my ex so she wouldn't cry herself to sleep when her mother acts up....)

    To be fair, people who have anxiety disorders CAN and DO lead very normal and even very productive lives. My ex, for example, just graduated with a masters, and I think that's a very high achievement, especially when you consider that some who have similar anxiety disorders can barely even make it out their own front door. (Yes, it's true.)

    But yeah, all that changes when you stop taking your medicine.... That's what I'm worried about, because my children are also involved. I know my ex hates to be accused of being like her mother, but... if she stops, it's taking her a step closer to that kind of existence, and for the sake of my children, I really don't like the sound of it.

    Then again, given the current circumstances, I also am not sure what to do about it either. So, all I can do right now is... blog?

  5. dmontngrey Says:

    *raises hand*
    Um, I'm "normal". I get through life ok and most would say I'm productive. I have good days and bad days and I don't medicate in any form. I also suffer from depression and anxiety, although thankfully not to the panic attack level! Well, really no point to this other than to jump in and agree with your fairness point.

    I'm sorry she's going through this and may feel she needs to give up medications that are helping her. Not good for anyone involved. Yup, like others have said: all you can do is stand by and be ready to jump in if you need to get involved with the kids. It's a tough situation. Frown

  6. monkeymama Says:

    I had panic attacks very briefly after my second child - not a full panic attack - but not fun all the same. Though it seems almost all the women in my family otherwise suffer from depression and such, I had to experience it to truly *get* it on some level.

    Anyway, as such, I am no stranger to people who need medication and refuse to take it. I'd be very concerned considering the situation with your children. *sigh* It's a tough situation.

    Sometimes it's good just to vent - we don't mind.

  7. ThriftoRama Says:

    Uh, my best friend has panic attacks and a serious anxiety disorder. In the past 16 years, we've been through a lot of really bad things trying to figure out what was wrong and then find medications to manage it. She recently decided to stop taking her meds, and it was a disaster. It is a terrible decision, especially when children are involved. We had to start all over finding a new balance of meds to get her back to semi normal. It's hard. I hope she sees the light and gets back on her meds. What could she possibly have in common with someone 17 years younger????

  8. Ralph Says:

    Wow, that's rough. I don't know what to say other than that we're here for you.

  9. Ima saver Says:

    Sorry to hear this, BA!!

  10. Broken Arrow Says:

    Thank you for at least considering my side of the story....

    As far as I know, my ex has always lived with this condition all of her adult life. Consequently, she's gotten so used to it that she no longer sees it as a problem, but instead, believe this is perfectly normal and she doesn't have a problem. As you can imagine, that viewpoint alone is a huge problem....

    I also want to point out that it is indeed normal for people to have panic attacks once in a blue moon. I myself have experienced one when I was a teenager. That's why I can understand. But to actually experience it once or twice doesn't make it a problem....

    What makes it a problem is when you have it frequently, say, anywhere from a bi-weekly to a bi-monthly basis. And when you compound that by developing fears, dreads, and phobias from it, enough impede your progress in life, that's when it becomes a serious problem. (Some are so bad that they develop agoraphobia, and consequently, don't even dare to leave the house.)

    As for what she sees in this guy, I really can't say that I understand either. Truth to tell, I prefer not to spend my time and energy working on that one....

    Still, I can only assume that they are quite compatible and happy together. She also told me that they loved each other, and although I would have much preferred that she waited until after we were officially divorced to say something like that, I at least appreciated her (perceived) honesty. For her sake, I really do hope that she is right.

  11. naturalwoman Says:

    sometimes you have to vent. i hope someone or maybe even you can suggest she go back on her medication.

Leave a Reply

(Note: If you were logged in, we could automatically fill in these fields for you.)
Will not be published.

* Please spell out the number 4.  [ Why? ]

vB Code: You can use these tags: [b] [i] [u] [url] [email]