Sometimes, I get kind of down when I think about all the things that I feel like I should have accomplished by now, or that I should be smarter somehow, or make more money.... I don't feel very smart, or rich, or accomplished....
That's why I have to remind myself sometimes that "It is what it is." Sometimes, I just don't know what else to say other than that. I'm not Superman. I'm just a regular guy.
But then, maybe my mistake here is that I am blogging close to 1:30am in the morning. 
It's hard not to feel small when I am tired and sleepy. I feel like my life can never quite seem to come together, no matter how hard and how much I try.
Um, I guess I am rambling. But I am also learning to try to look at things on the bright side. The bright side is that my life really has hit a nice stride right now. Sure, it isn't perfect or without its concerns (especially with this economy), but... as my blog subtitle clearly states, "It Could Be Worse"....
I was in the grocery store earlier today, and there was this really obese man in a wheelchair, who couldn't reach the two bottles of Gatorade off the second to the top shelf. So he had to ask me to get it for him, which I effortlessly walked over and grabbed for him. As he turned around and rolled off, I couldn't help but think, "Wow, I can't imagine living like that. Being so big that it would be a challenge to even get out the house and go shopping, and I would also have to be confined to a wheelchair."
So... my life isn't perfect. But! It is what it is, and it could be worse. Sigh. I'm relieved, and yet.... I don't know. Ever look up at the faint blinking stars on a balmy summer night, wishing your life can get better somehow? Only to wake up the next day, back to the grindstone under the hot glaring sun, wondering if this is going to be all there is to it?
But, maybe that's not a bad thing. I do need to be more financially secure though. Then, maybe I can live my life, like this. With it being what it is right now. The truth is, I haven't been actually "happy", or close to it, until more recently. It seems to be a gradual, incremental thing for me. I think having this new PC helped a lot. You kind of have to understand that, until the past several years, I've always had a PC. I don't have any particular emotional attachments to machines or anything, but to me, it's always been my window to the world. It informs me and entertains me. It cheers me up when I am feeling down, and helps me keep in touch with people who matters to me.
Speaking of PCs, have you guys ever seen that crazy Intel commercial about the co-inventor of USB? If not,
Well, perhaps that's a good, high note to stop my rambling.
June 4th, 2009 at 11:35 am 1244111738
June 4th, 2009 at 01:08 pm 1244117333
I don't know why they decided not to use the real Ajay Bhatt in the commercial. I think they could have made it work, although the real Ajay is, as you say, "much cooler looking", so perhaps the effect for the commercial would have been a bit stunted because of that. I have to admit it's hilarious in part because the fake Ajay does look so er... homely.
June 4th, 2009 at 02:54 pm 1244123661
June 4th, 2009 at 03:42 pm 1244126530
I choose to be happy!
June 4th, 2009 at 03:56 pm 1244127374
June 4th, 2009 at 04:17 pm 1244128675
I recommend watching Columbo episodes on a TV that's timed to go off after you get to sleep. That does it for me; I watch it almost every night. There's something really soothing about knowing that he's got all the answers and will fix everything, and that he's not after fame or acceptance in return. Plus Peter Falk makes me happy and calm.
June 4th, 2009 at 04:18 pm 1244128734
You have a lot to be fortunate for; being someone who can live simple is a huge dream for many who are suffering.
I totally get you when you mentioned how the PC is the window to your world. It is like this for me every day because I live in a hearing centered environment (both home and work) and cannot hear what others are saying in a simple conversation. I can only ask "repeat" so many times before it becomes annoying to others. Internet changed my world! Though our circumstances are different, it is pretty much the same in a sense. I am shy and pobably still be shy if I was hearing so becoming hearing would not make a differnece.
I cannot say the perceived "more successful, advance, rich" people are happier but perhaps they are more “busy" to notice? (Please note: I do strongly strive for financial security for “safeness” and agree with your goals of more savings.
It took me a long time to find my own inner "contentment" that I hold on to through both rough and good times. But I still run into times where I get myself down from time to time. I chalk it up to being human.
June 4th, 2009 at 04:52 pm 1244130765
Woah woah woah hey now. Columbo is awesome. How can anyone sleep through that?
PW:
Very thoughtful. Thank you for chiming in.
June 5th, 2009 at 01:36 am 1244162219
BA I think everyone goes through phases like you have described. They are temporary (like everything in life - even our lives themselves when you think about it)...
The way I look at it you don't really appreciate a sunny day at the beach until you've lived in a rain-soaked cold urban environment.... if you know what I mean....
The "down" periods provide the contrast that makes the "up" periods all the more sweet !!
Take care !!
p.s agree totally with IMA...attitude is 85% of the battle.