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Ok, just long-winded

July 9th, 2009 at 07:23 am

It originally started out as quickies, but ended up not so quick.... Big Grin

My ex
I don't want to get too much into this, partly because it's been nothing but a well of negativity, and partly because I don't think this the end of it, but rather, it's only the beginning. Suffice to say, she was extremely nasty to me over the weekend....

Seriously, she'll say something like, "Oh, you just don't like people changing something on you." and I'm like, "No, I'm only upset because I don't like being lied to." And she'll keep going, "No really, come on, you're just upset because you don't like to change." Huh? I'm standing there telling her the truth about me, why won't she believe me? Change happens, and it had nothing to do with why I was upset.

And she even insulted my parents this time! Calling them (including me) "a bunch of money grubbers"! The honest truth? My parents helped pay for her college tuitions and even our mortgage when we were struggling! Yes, it's embarrassing for me to say that, but it's true. We were really bad with money once upon a time. My parents only demanded money back for a loan they gave her a long time ago for her upside-down car, but that's only because they found out that she was cheating on me. And for that, they're called money-grubbers?

And when I later confronted her about why she was being so nasty, rather than an actual apology, her excuse was, "I was really stressed out." I said that I understand, and hope that things went well with her family. But seriously, still no apology? And why the hypocrisy where I am blamed for all eternity for things I've said or done out of stress, stuff that I've already repeatedly apologized for, but is still used as the reason why I am such a terrible person that she had no choice but to... commit adultery?

I used to just gripe about her, but then let it go, but honestly, she really has gone too far this time. Especially about the remark about my parents.

I think she has finally decided that rather than ignoring me, she wants to fight now. Good. I'm tired of trying to work with her. I really am sorry that my heart has to blacken like this, but from here on out, I will not stop fighting until she stops treating me like dirt.

Frugal meetup
Oh, I keep forgetting about posting this, but there is a local frugal meetup that seems to come and go. It went, then came back with a new organizer, and now, she's gone as well and the group is probably going to be disbanded again.

They had one meet, which from what I understand, included an actual SA member! (Not a regular, but I've seen her post once in a while.)

So, why didn't I go? I completely forgot about it. Big Grin Yeah, sad. Oh well, they were just swapping coupons anyway....

Annual fee
I just checked my credit card account, and I can't believe that only NOW did they finally charge me the annual fee on my credit card.

This is July! I don't remember them charging me this late before. I also like the way they tack it on the very end of my statement, so it's harder for you to see it.

I checked my previous statements to see if I got double charged, but as far as I can tell, I haven't. Hmm....

No Spend Day
Yesterday was a NSD for me because a few vendors showed up at work, and they brought a lot of sandwiches. So, I stuffed myself silly and didn't have to eat for the rest of the day. Big Grin

Ah, I know this is unhealthy, as I tend to gorge myself and then not really eating the rest of the day. Yeah, I kinda do this on a regular basis.... Or, if I do eat later, it's junk food and that's not good either.

I don't know if anyone else here have those certain places where they actually cross the line into the land of the cheap, but that's definitely my flaw here. Whenever I see foods, especially buffets, I have a tendency of eating as much as I can so I don't have to pay more for food later.

Yeah, I know it's not healthy.... So, does anyone else have any unhealthy money habits they want to confess? Big Grin

7 Responses to “Ok, just long-winded”

  1. six Says:

    Hi BA, forgive me if I am crossing the line, but after reading some posts about your ex, it makes me wonder why you are still letting her bother you so much? She's your ex - all in the past. Isn't it time to move on to bigger and better things in life? Granted she is your children's mother, so she has to be involved in their lives and yours somehow. But apart from making sure that she's treating your children decently, keeping them out of harm's way etc, why give her the power to upset you? If your children are in harm physically, emotionally and morally, perhaps you can fight for the custody?
    I am sure that you were hurt badly by her and that it takes time to get over that hurt, but I think that you need to work on not letting her ridiculousness/meanness upset you. And also, nobody likes changes and having said that nobody has the right to try and change someone. You either accept that person for who she/he is and if you can't then you move on. I apologize again if I have crossed the line.

  2. Broken Arrow Says:

    No need to apologize, six! You have not crossed the line at all. I post this stuff, and it's only fair that I get questions about it. Plus, it's a very good question.

    Unfortunately, I don't have a very good answer. In the end, I do wish I can put it all behind me. I wish it is as simple as snapping a finger, we can all get along. There is so much more life can offer than just bickering.

    But if I had to offer a reason, it would be because I still have to work with her, and because in her mind, I am still the bad person that caused all her pain. So, now she feels entitled to do whatever she wants at my expense. (I'm not assuming this, she has pretty much come out and said this.)

    So, ironically enough, when I ignore it, I actually not only empower her to do what she wants at my expense, but it even validates that what she believes about me was correct. And it will all be because I kept quiet and let the misconception prevail.

    I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that I am basically damned if I do and damned if I don't, and if I am damned either way, I might as well take a stand and fight.

  3. Phenomenal Woman Says:

    Don't Keep Quiet! I learned that lesson the hard way! I was married to a violent man for 5 long years before I broke free. During those years, I did not want people to worry about me and also tried my hardest to make situations better between the us so I did not tell anyone about the abuse in hope for a improved relationship (except a couple who confronted me on suspicion of weird body injuries during my 4th year).
    Once I was brave enough to run away and got help with the divorce process... Most of my friends and the church I had attended and taught Sunday school at turned me away saying I was a bad wife. They had no idea what was going on and it was all a shock to them so they assumed I was being rebellious.
    This experience had forever changed me.. I once was an extremely outgoing and friendly person who had so many friends. Now I am not nearly as trusting of people in general and on guard all the time.

    I think it is great that you are venting out your frustrations here on this board instead of retaliating in other ways like most people would have done. Sharing your feelings is part of the healing process. Your feelings and thoughts are valuable and not to be minimized.

    If I am insulting by being so blunt here, I am sorry:
    Maybe come up with something witty to say to your ex so she cannot manipulate you and try not to show that she easily push your buttons in hope she ease up in the future. The biggest lesson I had to learn which took me years to do, is ask yourself “Why do you have buttons? If you didn’t have buttons, she then can’t push them. The hardest challenge is removing those buttons.

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    Thanks for saying so, PW. You were accused for speaking out from being abused? That's so strange. I find that shocking and tragic.

    Ironically enough, my ex also tells people that I was abusive. I think it's a common enough theme that she found a lot of support that way. Now, I could have treated her a lot better, but she didn't mention the part where she was with another guy, having an affair, and that was the reason why I got so mad in the first place.

    But anyways, I do feel bad for anyone who is in an actual abusive environment, and I'm glad that you have moved on to a better life.

    As for buttons, yes, she still pushes them. In fact, over the weekend, she tried pushing every one of them, including just out-right shouting derogatory names. I don't know, in order for buttons to work, you have to actually respect their opinion, and as cold as it sounds, I don't respect my ex anymore. Therefore, her words mean nothing. I don't know. Anyways, yeah, I believe in moving on, but I'll still fight whenever and wherever I have to. I simply will not accept being treated like a nobody.

  5. bennyhoff Says:

    As a guy, I can only give my YMMV opinion (or at least how I handle situations like that). I guess it depends on the situation but when someone behaves like that with me I will either say nothing and just look at them (not a stare, more of a blank look that says "I can't believe you said something so stupid, I can't even imagine an answer to it") or I will get up and leave (no words, just get up and go.). The first will usually elicit a "What?" at which point I will say just how stupid they are in a very monotone voice. If there is anyone around in the second scenario I will explain, again very calmly why I will not remain (usually in the vein of "I will not stay here to put up with this C%@p behavior. If you want to thats your choice.") Ain't always fun, but when I stand by my guns it works out for the best, though it may be down the road a ways until I see any results. And with kids in the equation, I would suspect it will be best when your kids see that you're the adult in these scenarios, not her. Hope that helps.

  6. debtfreeme Says:

    My only concern is for the kids. Are they seeing and hearing this behavior? How do you address this with them?

    Do you say anything to her about her behavior and how the kids are reacting?

    I am so sorry about her. A friend went through something similar several years ago (and continues to this day) and I hope the situation improves for you and the kids.

  7. Broken Arrow Says:

    I do my best not to get the kids involved. In fact, unless it is absolutely unavoidable, I do not involve them at all. I don't know about her end though.

    The oldest is old enough to get involved, and did one time. But if he insisted on getting involved, then I did explain the situation to him, including how I feel, such as that even if he is technically adult now, sometimes, it's still best to let other adults work out their differences. I also did my best to explain the situation, but you know. Nothing ever seems so simple I guess.

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